Humans are naturally stress-sensitive creatures. It dates back to the days of cavemen who were wary of dangers such as enemy attacks and wild beast ambushes.
Fast forward to the present day and this reflex is helpful when we are truly threatened…and can be problematic when we are not. What’s the difference between anxiety? How do relationship worries manifest themselves? And how can you handle them?
What are the signs of relationship anxiety?
The Cinderella fairy tale is not about relationships that cause anxiety (even good ones). This may seem like you’re worried that your exes or partner might cheat instead of expressing your needs and talking about what pleases you and people. Your partner may avoid intimacy, share vulnerabilities, overthink worries, become irritable, and show up in shutdowns or anxiety about commitment. Getting started can have a ripple effect on your own anxiety levels.
What causes relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can stem from betrayal on dating apps and previous relationships, lack of self-esteem, general fear early in dating, lack of communication, and burning out on social media.comparativeismOr childhood trauma.
In addition, it may be accompanied by changes in life such as changing jobs, living together, aging, infertility concerns, and childbirth. Stress can also be caused by conflicting attachment styles (how we perceive and approach love). Attachment style is usually determined by the behavior of the primary caregiver during early childhood.
While “securely” attached people become close to others with relative ease, “insecure” attachment styles range from insecurity about their partner’s feelings to fear of intimacy and abandonment. Causes greater relationship anxiety. Also, having different words of love for your partner, such as words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical contact, explains Gary Chapman. For example, if you feel loved through physical touch and your partner expresses love through words, misunderstandings can occur.
Are relationship insecurities always bad?
Broadly speaking, there are two types of anxiety: health anxiety and unhealthy anxiety. You may notice that your partner seems attracted to someone else, feel insecure about the implications of being a parent, or worry about sharing vulnerabilities.
Healthy anxiety can also come as a handy wake-up call that everything is going wrong. So you may have an instinct not to trust your partner.
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This can either be an opportunity to build trust through healthy communication and reassurance, or it can be a helpful signal to leave an unhealthy relationship. In this case, anxiety may be a signpost to safety.
Less helpful anxiety is characterized by cognitive distortions (or illusions) that are disproportionate to threat and can cause stress and distress. For example, worrying that your partner is cheating on you because he didn’t reply to your text messages right away, or worrying that your partner is planning to break up with you because he’s been quieter than usual. You may. stress at work.
If it is persistent, irrational, overwhelming, and affects your ability to concentrate, sleep, eat, or your physical health, unhealthy anxiety can slip into the realm of disorder.
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How do you deal with relationship anxiety?
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This simple cognitive-behavioral therapy trick is a game changer for thinking in a more balanced way.
- First, identify your stressful thoughts.
- Next, ask yourself which cognitive distortions have you noticed? For example, “He’s not interested in sex lately. He’s not attracted to me anymore.”
- This is where we see distortions such as catastrophes and black and white thinking, where worries can spiral.
- Identifying these distortions relieves stress.
- Then ask, “Do you have hard evidence that this idea is true?”
- Imagine you are a barrister in a court of law. Evidence must be irrefutable! This allows you to see things more objectively.
- Now ask, “What is another way to look at this idea?” For example, he may be stressed at work.
- Finally, ask yourself what you would say to your best friend, for example. Why don’t you talk to him about it? This will help you get out of the situation and develop a more rational perspective.
If that doesn’t help, your fears may be true. If not, your therapist can help you get more clarity on what’s really going on.
Finally, it’s important to communicate your feelings and needs if you want a healthy relationship. Even if you find it difficult to speak up, remember that vulnerability is a great connection between people. As Susan David PhD says, “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”
Mel is a Qualified Family Lawyer, Certified Personal Coach, Member of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council, Career Development Institute and Association of Postgraduate Career Advisory Services. Learn more about her work and services here.
