dear violet
My husband and I, who we call him “Joe,” have slept in the same bed (and bedroom) throughout our 40-year marriage this spring. Sleeping in the same bed is no longer realistic for our age (65 and 70 this year).
For years I have complained about “Joe’s” snoring and constant tossing and turning. To be fair and reasonable, “Joe” underwent minor surgery to prevent snoring from becoming a problem, and made a very conscientious effort to stay still at night, disturbing my rest. I got
problem? Perhaps these things just added to the larger fact that neither myself, nor the horror of fear, wanted to discuss it with “Joe.” The truth is Joe hates me. The thought of his skin accidentally touching mine makes me cringe. Not to mention his deliberate desire to cuddle.
I know this isn’t the kind thing to think about or say out loud, but after talking to a lot of my friends, I realize it’s not all that uncommon. How can I communicate my intention to move the item to the guest room?
I love my life, but I no longer want to spend my days as my husband’s “pretend happy wife.”
i want to be free
dear longing,
I’m sure your husband, ‘Joe’, will be thrilled with this change and would like to have his own home, not just his own ‘guest bedroom’.
I’m pretty sure that finding a little place to yourself is not only fun, but perhaps even liberating. Treats you with a willingness to change his own life for you. You don’t have to pretend that you care about his respect.He underwent a surgical modification to let your beauty sleep more easily. The complete lack of understanding seems very sad to him. But there is a very big problem with neglecting relationships, especially the one-sided version.
Ultimately, that you and “Joe” solve this problem the way you suggested, with love and respect, or perhaps with a decision that shows an understanding that the rooms in the house aren’t the real problem. I hope , for both of you. We all deserve respect and happiness. Especially the shorter the years in this revolving ball of constant trauma and stress that we call planet Earth.
With the hope of all concerned,
violet
“Dear Violet” is a romance consultation column that covers domestic romance, family relationships, and friendships. If you ever want advice, write and get a third party. There is no ax to sharpen your perspective. Welcome to the world of Violet. Submit any questions, comments, or concerns about your notice: Violet c/o Gonzales Inquirer (publisher@gonzalesinquirer.com).
