Now, before I call myself a sophomore in college, there’s this whole stretch. all I feel uncertain. I’m staring at the road leading to the future where the future can’t be seen in the fog. And it fills me with anxiety.
I am writing this as a kind of time capsule to the future. We live in a time when we see successful people all the time, and by the nature of us who notice them, they are. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have known who they were or seen their work in the first place: LeBron James or Elon Musk, one of my professors at Stanford University. It is nearly impossible to consider people who are not destined for success. There must have been times in these people’s lives when they doubted themselves and weren’t sure if they would succeed, but I can’t even imagine it. We hear stories, but it’s always colored by the fact that we all know they will eventually succeed. Personal stories are always backwards, but more on that later. To do.
So I wanted to document where I am now.I feel like my life is nothing but uncertainty and anxiety, and then how can I change this anxiety and find something to think about. I’m going to talk about how you can change your peace and maybe even a little excitement for the future.
One of the biggest sources of my anxiety is my creative pursuits. Mainly my YouTube channel and the novel I’m currently working on. Probably once a day, I wonder if I’m wasting my time on these two projects. I spend a lot of time on these ventures, but I’m not sure they “reward”. I think there’s value in dedicating yourself to something you really care about — but I’d also like to know if I’ll be published or if people will watch these. video. The life satisfaction I get from this won’t pay the bills or make me leave the company. salt and strawI don’t write for financial reward or attention, but anyone who is creative wants their art to be recognized and influence people.
I take my writing as seriously as my studies. It’s the first thing I do every day that hurts my health, my grades, my sleep, and more, but do it anywayI know how vague the path I signed up for is — it’s the nature of doing something creative. When you don’t see immediate results, it’s really easy to start doubting yourself and thinking, “Maybe I should stop.” Maybe this isn’t worth fighting for. ‘He spent over 100 hours on the novel I’m working on right now. Twice as much as he was in the novel I wrote last year, and probably somewhere in between on this YouTube channel. time.
I feel like I’m surrounded by people who are looking for pretty down-to-earth jobs, so I think this is especially tough. A friend of mine is all STEM majors and is either a software engineer or something he’s going to make six figures right out of college. It seems that their current efforts are creating their future, but the harsh reality is that my creative activities are not. At least once a week, say, “Scrap all this. Creative fulfillment or risk-minded people.
Speaking of school, another source of anxiety is schoolwork. I plan to complete my PhD. I majored in psychology and aim to become a clinical psychologist. In many cases, just having a somewhat stable foundation of becoming a psychologist allows me to even attempt creative endeavours. . This idea of going to graduate school or becoming a psychologist is completely irrelevant to me. I don’t know many people who have gone to graduate school or told anyone what the path was like. Even though being a psychologist is ‘stable’, the road to get there is shrouded in uncertainty for me. At this time, I don’t have a personal relationship with a professor who actually guides me. Also, and this is a big problem, I don’t have any research experience.
Lab experience is very important to get into graduate school, but I have no research experience and don’t know how to get one. It’s also one of the paradoxes that many research positions look for people with research experience. I consider myself lucky to have even received a rejection email. Also, should I just use the first lab that accepted me? Like a desperate guy, do I fall in love with the first girl I give my attention to, or do I have standards? But sometimes having standards is a privilege! I feel sick. need I feel like every rejected or unanswered email is a direct roadblock to this goal I’ve set out to do research. whole education around.
Because there is nothing in this world I hate more than administrative work. I love sitting down and immersing myself in my work, whether it’s reading, writing, or doing PSETs. It’s because you’re sitting and concentrating on something for hours. But I hate sending emails, filling out random forms, and having to constantly switch my attention to different things. These are all things you should do when applying for a lab. Then you have to figure out what to say in these applications and how to write a good resume, but it all seems like a lot of work! Doesn’t feel like it’s really doing anything! Luckily, things have changed for the better recently and I hope you got an answer or two, but this whole application process is excruciating. was.
Let’s stay away from work-related stuff and talk about my social life. I’d like to say that I’m very lucky to have some really good friends here, but I think I’m still looking for a community on campus where I really feel like I belong. , it’s hard to make new friends and I have a lot of anxiety about it. How do you meet new people in a way that doesn’t make you feel forced? How do you go from someone you know to a true friend? It may feel like it, but a lot of the time it doesn’t. It takes a lot of effort to “expose yourself” and it’s hard not to put that effort into being social and still not find your people. am. am i going to find a girlfriend?
Anyway, there is a common thread running through all of these different sources of anxiety that ties them all together. This occurs when there is a disconnect between whether or not you can understand how things are formed. I don’t know if it will give me the desired result. But there are ways to deal with this anxiety.
The first part is to stop worrying about whether things will work out or not because you cannot control the outcome. detachmentI think a lot of the wisdom in life is to separate what you can control from what you can’t and focus on what you can control. Honestly, you have very little control over the outcome of an event. The only thing we can control is our actions, so we need to find peace in the fact that we did what was right, or what we should have done.
This is what I always tell myself when I sit down to write a novel. I’m always afraid if this novel I’m working on will be good or if it will be a huge waste of time because it may never be published, but I’m not sure if this novel or any future I’m writing will ever work. You can’t really control a novel…whether it gets published or if it’s even better. The only thing I can control is whether I sit down and write every day. me too. I try to find joy and solace in that action every day. I’m writing because I can’t do that. This is why I got a custom made mug from Bhagavad Gita that says ‘You are entitled to work but you are never entitled to the fruits of your labor’.
Anxiety only affects us. But once you fully surrender the reign of the future to the universal laws of physics, Jesus or the flying spaghetti monster, you can begin to move away from it and focus on the work that really matters. Separation is the antidote to anxiety. Training the mind in this way is beneficial to everyone and is not an all-or-nothing lesson. You don’t have to become a monk and give up all worldly attachments. We are not enlightened beings who spend their days meditating and training their minds to overcome all expectations and desires.
Another mental tool I use to deal with anxiety about the future is to remember that I have no idea what the future might look like. Every great moment I’ve had has been unimaginable at some point. When I was a freshman in high school, I never imagined that I would get into Stanford University. When I entered Stanford University, I never imagined that I would take a gap year and get a nail license. When I was in nail school, I never imagined getting out of my van and exploring the country, but now all these memories and experiences seem normal or inevitable. .
Life only makes sense when you look back. We create these narrative threads in our minds, linking all these different events in the past to make sense of them, but it is only through them that we can connect the dots. Too accustomed to the past to follow a rigid structure, we project it into the future and try to predict what the future will look like, but it never works. I don’t know what the future holds. So let’s zoom out on the timeline we use to see our lives. Realize that it’s very likely still weeks or months away when all of our life’s loose ends tie themselves up. There are so many moments in our lives that are unimaginable right now, both wonderful and not so, just like watching a movie, look to the future with a certain degree of curiosity and calmness. . When we watch movies, we obviously care about the main characters and their well-being, but we’re also really interested in what happens to them next. Did you know? The only way to understand it is to live it!
It feels like there are countless unknowns in my life right now — what will happen to my creative pursuits? Will I be able to enter the lab and be well prepared for graduate school? Do you find these so-called “friends for life” or have you already? . The future unfolds before your eyes.
