No mugs of beer or big screen TVs with games on. The group in Bow Valley, Alberta is not only removing stereotypes associated with the “male bond,” it’s redefining masculinity in a world where too many men struggle in silence.
“Stuffing alone didn’t work,” Graeme Forder, founder of Man Aligned said.
Ford started the group after joining the men’s circle for the first time in San Diego several years ago.
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“When I was there, one of the biggest lessons I learned was, when you put your hand up and say this is how I feel, does anyone else resonate? I looked around the room and 90 percent of the room felt the same way I did, so I got that feeling back,” Ford said.
He started the first men’s circle in Bow Valley and interest has grown steadily ever since.
“Many men carry burdens on women that they can’t explain. Not because women don’t understand or care, they’re just different,” Ford said.
Men from all backgrounds and at all stages of life are drawn to events organized by Man Aligned.
Fraser Duncan, a 37-year-old electrician and oil field worker, started working after struggling with his own mental health.
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“[I]had bouts of depression for most of my 30s, and I didn’t know how to connect. I was.
“There is a lot of power in being able to have role models of similarly struggling men who may have faced similar challenges in their roles and lives with their families.
“Having their resilience and ability to overcome shared in their journey has been very powerful and very beneficial.”
Circles are held on weekdays in Banff and Canmore. There are also longer, multi-day events held in the wilderness on some weekends. Groups build, meditate, stretch and share in teams. What happens there stays there. However, both participants and facilitators agree that there is a lot to be gained in-house.
Hugo Lopez, the circle’s facilitator, said, “Men can gather in bars and sports environments and be doing something all the time. .
“At Men’s Circle, we try to provide a safe space where men can be together and connect with themselves. We are not therapists, we are learning from each other. I am in.”
The Banff-based yoga instructor said people crave connection, but it doesn’t often extend beyond the screen in the palm of their hand.
“In the old days, it was common for the men of the village to gather around the fire and talk to the boys to explain the men’s true responsibilities,” Lopez said.
Men gather to discuss mental health as part of the Men Aligned group in Banff, Alta.
Courtesy: Brother Dameon
“Today, we have a misconception about men’s true responsibilities. We are also allowed to feel emotions, to have space, and to take responsibility for providing love in our homes.”
Realtor Nathan Weyma participated in one of the longer events. He, too, longed to make his life more meaningful.
“I’ve learned that society as a whole wears a lot of masks. I wasn’t who I really was,” said the 42-year-old. I learned to learn and find the right reasons, inner confidence and self-esteem,” Weima said.
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There is no pressure for men to open up or share. Allowing both participants and facilitators to agree to connect only and truly be themselves is a real healing medicine.
“For a lot of men, sometimes you have to hit really low rock bottom before you can take that step, but it doesn’t have to be,” Weima said.
It is a brotherhood of hope and healing that dispels the stigma that too many endure alone.
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