New Year’s Day holidays are just around the corner. And these family gatherings, like everything else that happens year-round during the holidays, can pose a major challenge for many, as interacting with extended families can be stressful. I have.
Offensive questions, hurtful comments, and difficult situations can hurt your mood and attitude when you are together.
Manny Sanchez, co-founder of PILLAR, is a behavioral health center that provides easily accessible, high-quality mental health and substance abuse addiction care for men, women, youth, and families. provided tips and recommendations for welcoming the new year with a smile. and peaceful environment.
Many questions can be presented in an offensive way.
“When can I have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”
“When are you getting married?”
“When are you going to give birth?”
“Have you gained/lost weight?”
These conversations are among the many that individuals dread confronting before meeting their loved ones and can be extremely stressful when they arrive.
Sanchez said everyone in the family should know what’s appropriate to mention.
“They know what they’re doing!” he said. “People generally know what is right and what is wrong, but they have personal motives as to why they behave the way they do. They understand that it makes people uncomfortable, not because they want to know more about someone, or because they don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Because you want to create some kind of tension between them.
“If you ask someone about their weight or if you already know that other people are uncomfortable about it, you will find that they are insensitive when you ask them about their personal characteristics. ”
Sanchez asserted that people who make these kinds of comments usually respond with justifications in their heads that justify what they’re doing.
One way to face these situations is to have good coping skills and practice how to protect yourself from these situations.
“You can’t control what other people do or say. It’s just what comes out of your mouth and what goes into your head. You have to have the right coping skills,” he said. I was. “Coping skills are very important. That’s what separates survivors from victims. It means moving to a very peaceful place and immersing yourself in the place, the sounds and the place.Smell the memories as a way to distract yourself from what is causing you anxiety or making you sad. These are things to work on.
“When you’re in a situation where you can’t control what other people say or do, that’s the best way to protect yourself.”
In a similar vein, Sanchez explained the importance of setting limits and speaking your voice.
“There is nothing wrong with letting people know something is inappropriate or saying, ‘You are making me uncomfortable.’ You should be able to speak up. You know your limits, so either back off, not show up, or calm yourself down.”
Another common belief is that people should accept these behaviors simply because they are related by blood. says it can’t.
“Just because we are related doesn’t mean we won’t hurt or betray our blood relatives, and we won’t do anything inappropriate or make other people uncomfortable,” he said. said. “A healthy family unit is a place where you can express yourself and be constructive without conflict. and deal with what you can do to calm yourself in the moment and not make things worse by getting angry, getting physical, or other things that happen when people start arguing. Please do not allow
Having good self-esteem can also help you confront these kinds of interactions that can lead to conflict.
Sanchez says that knowing your worth and staying positive can serve as a support net for bad comments.
“Reminding yourself of your strong qualities should help boost your self-esteem and confidence levels and help you feel better about yourself,” he said. It prepares me for the moment of hurt, so if someone says something hurtful to me now, my brain will remind me of the good qualities I have.”
Likewise, everyone should know what to say and the purpose of asking explicit questions.
“Think about how you would feel if someone asked you a question,” he said. If you are very unsure as to whether or not you probably shouldn’t ask.
“Always ask yourself what is the purpose of asking a question that might be offensive to others? If you are doing it for a genuine reason and it could have a positive impact on the relationship, then But if they’re going to put someone in an uncomfortable situation, there’s no reason to do it, because it will only create more harm.”
Respecting other family members’ limitations is also an important point to keep in mind for a positive and harmonious gathering. This includes respecting that some may face financial hardship and appreciating the efforts made for other loved ones in terms of giving gifts on holidays such as birthdays and Christmas. is also included.
Some may be struggling financially but want to show others their appreciation. Buying gifts isn’t the only way to show your giving spirit. Sanchez suggests that when it’s hard to make ends meet, you can get more value for your money by giving things made with your own hands and hearts.
“We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, but the truth is that people appreciate you thinking of them,” he said. “It doesn’t really matter what you buy.”
Writing a letter or making something with your own hands is something money can’t buy. It has a unique essence and cannot be reproduced.
“They have a more permanent memory,” he said. “I love receiving those gifts. Some people may be ashamed to give them because they say, ‘You look so cheap and I don’t want to use them,’ but the reality is that they is the most beautiful gift.”
Additionally, respecting people’s boundaries when it comes to addiction is a very important role in gatherings.
Alcohol is one of the most common substances widely seen at gatherings and can be confusing to members with addictions and struggles.
“If someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic, exposing them to an environment where they see these products that might entice them is not a healthy situation to put someone in,” he said. rice field.
One of Sanchez’s recommendations is to inform individuals if alcohol is present. Especially if you’ve struggled in the past. If it’s something you can’t handle, it’s best to respectfully not participate and celebrate in a different way is the best option.
If you have someone who has not communicated these issues to others, having a specific point of contact to help control this instinct is a way to stay calm and prevent a relapse.
“If you’re struggling with it, it’s best to communicate,” he said. That’s why the Alcoholics Anonymous program has a buddy system where communication can help So someone to call if you’re tempted or have a hard time.
“This is no different than a suicide prevention helpline, because when someone feels the possibility of harming themselves and you call someone, they won’t give you medication, they will talk to you. Communication makes the difference.”
Sanchez also said the holidays can be very stressful for women who play an important role in family gatherings.
“Women are very good at taking care of their families,” he said. “They are dealing with a lot of stress. They are service providers, they are the ones who bring people together, sometimes they are the bridges when there is conflict in a relationship, and they can, for example, bring a father and a son or a daughter back together. We live in a very Macista-type environment, so it’s the women who have suffered a lot of the injuries over time.
“It’s time for us men to realize that women put up with a lot and that we have to change the way we look at things.”
Women are the backbone of the family and often perform many tasks, from preparing meals and doing household chores to resolving family conflicts, including organizing gatherings.
“It’s time for us men to realize that women put up with a lot and that we have to change the way we look at things,” he said.
Family gatherings have many difficult aspects for many people, but knowing how to handle these situations can help strengthen relationships between family members. These get-togethers can be difficult, but with a sense of belonging, families can enjoy spending time with others.
karol.garcia@lmtonline.com
