For the rest of my pregnancy, I was rarely completely worry-free. How will this affect his life? is he okay?
Worry is the thought part of anxiety and tells us to understand why we are worried and what to do about it. Worrying is a form of problem-solving, using “what-if” simulations to distinguish between the worst and best outcomes. Draw out the results and find a solution. In that sense, worry is an attempt to control the future. Because worry exists to engage us in dealing with future uncertainties and trying to make things work out.
Worry has to feel bad to do its job, but it can make anxiety worse, especially when combined with meta-worry. In , meta-worries often create a vicious cycle of anxiety. You worry nagging, trying to control yourself and alleviate emotional pain — like a perpetual motion machine of the mind. But this monstrous thought and feeling amplifies anxiety to distressing levels, makes people feel out of control, makes people worry more and reduces their ability to cope. .
Doesn’t all of this indicate that we should prevent or assuage anxiety as soon as possible? Suppressing thoughts and emotions never works — while paradoxically increasing anxiety and worry, it reinforces the belief that worry is out of control and prevents us from finding other ways to deal with it.
I discovered this myself with my son’s heart disease. My worries were constantly exhausting me, but pushing them aside didn’t help. I tried using my troubles. Every time I worried, I went into action mode. I read every published paper about the medical condition, asked nurses and doctors millions of questions, and imagined best and worst scenarios so I could plan the details of my son’s care. .
Worry didn’t just prompt me to prepare. I also knew that having complete control over the future was an illusion, but I kept believing that if I planned and worked hard enough, my son would live and thrive, so it made me feel emotional. helped me survive in
Our son is now 14 years old. He loves playing piano, writing, running and wrestling. As his doctor told us after surgery, there are no limits to what he can do.
Worry is going nowhere. It’s the human condition, and it can give you an advantage in tough times. Suppressing worry just doesn’t work, so we need a different approach to learning to worry and ultimately worrying less. Try the following steps in order.
find your body care
Worry stays in your head instead of feeling it in your body. So when you get worried, pause and refocus your attention on how you feel. Look for the usual signs — a fast heartbeat. Weakness; warmth; stiffness; throat constricted with dryness. rapid breathing; or butterflies in the stomach. please examine them. Move your body and see if your mood changes. stretch. Sit up straight. breath. Practice riding the waves of your feelings. They rise and fall without you doing anything.
Concrete and Contain Worries
Then listen to your worrying thoughts. Treat yourself like a friend who needs to be listened to. What pops to the surface when your thoughts are jumbled? You can also schedule a time to worry: choose a specific time to worry (for example, 15 minutes). Write down any worries that come to mind and describe them clearly and specifically. Consider not only the positive possibilities, but also the negative consequences. Worry only when you worry. When you’re worrying, you might be surprised to find that you get tired of worrying and stop early.
Worry is reduced by planning and action. So, once you’ve identified your concerns, work through them step-by-step.
- Brainstorm solutions that you have control over.
- Evaluate their strengths and weaknesses.
- Take your time and think about your ideas.
- Make a firm plan to try one or more of these solutions. The more details you write down, the better the results.
- Start with small, actionable steps. If your plan is vague or overly ambitious, you are less likely to achieve it.
- Please try the solution and rate how it worked.
- Consider whether adjustments and additional problem solving are required.
Worries send us into the future, and once we’ve visited it, it’s time to let go and return to the present. Take long walks. Please write in your diary. draw a picture; or talk to a friend or counselor. Social support—talking to someone he trusts to help him put his worries into words instead of letting the vague miasma of pain simmer—he’s one of the best ways to let go.
As you practice following these steps in order, you will find that worry is a call to action. When you act, your worries are politely set aside and you’re told, “Well done!”
Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology and neuroscience and a New York City-based health technology entrepreneur. She is the author of “”.future tense: Why Anxiety Is Good For You (Even If It Makes You Feel Bad)
We welcome your comments on this column. OnYourMind@washpost.com.
