I know the lack of sleep is torture, but I’m starting to resent it too! I know the answer is to move out of my bedroom, at least temporarily. We don’t have a guest bedroom, but the family room has a daybed. Part of it is that he snores, but I don’t mind. Also, my apnea feels especially out of my control as it is caused by a connective tissue disorder that causes a lot of pain every day.
Snorer: sleep separately. Every other week on the daybed to preempt resentment. Sleep is no trifle. There is nothing low stakes about it.
And stop hating each other. Both the noise and sensitivity to noise states are involuntary.
Carolyn: Thanks for your advice. We both hate the concept of sleeping separately, but we’re actually much happier doing so.
Snoring loudly again: Yes, please give each other this present. That is when the gift of earplugs just isn’t enough. Judging by my matrix, there are currently about 10,000 on the market just for this.
Dear Carolyn: My 73 year old healthy mother-in-law wants to live with me and my spouse when our current lease expires. This is a permanent move and (she suggests) we will live in our basement, which is more or less a private space, but we still have to use the family kitchen and bathroom. there is.
I am not keen on this arrangement. I love her mother-in-law, but I feel like she worked hard to build a home that her spouse and I enjoy, and I don’t want to lose the free use of it.
With health concerns, I would feel different. But my spouse is so reluctant to say no to her mother-in-law that it keeps bogging down all these roundabout conversations about logistics. I don’t really understand why it’s so hard to treat it that way. My spouse doesn’t want to share our space any more than I do, so she’s not sure what to do.
Struggling: Oh my god, she needs to know soon. she needs to make her plans. Remind your spouse of it and set the truth by date. Does your spouse write letters? Anything, anything, statistics.
Telling mom to go hiking is “very hard”. I won’t share your mysteries. But this is a logistical 911 and her unwillingness to hurt her feelings today is really confusing her tomorrow. Finding a place to age affordably in love and support is, without exaggeration, one of the hardest things in America for her. It’s not nice to throw it away.
