But in the last few weeks, small moments of anxiety have started creeping in. Moments of surprise coming from a divergent brain rather than reality. It’s definitely not as bad as it used to be, but after feeling so much better, my runny nose started to scare me.
My wonderful therapist has been busy (like many mental health professionals) making it difficult to get an appointment. I’m seeing her this week, what can I do in the meantime? She didn’t think she was “cured” or anything like that, but she really thought she was over most things.
Scared: This is perfectly normal, yes. Even better, there’s some really good news out there.
You have been through this so you could see the signs. I think I caught them long before the last time “things finally got so bad.” Just noticing edge flickering puts you in full responsive mode.
So give yourself due credit. You’re working on a trick your brain can play and you’re taking the right steps.
While waiting for an appointment, pay close attention to self-care (meal choices, exercise, sleep) and get outside as much as possible. get. Force yourself to reach out to lots of different people just to increase the chances of someone engaging with you. Immerse yourself in the story. As you fear possible negative outcomes, take a hold of yourself and redirect yourself to equally possible positive outcomes. Both are equally speculative. Starve your doubts.
This is all a version of “healing” that you can believe in being prepared to manage your health as circumstances change.
dear carolyn: I recently got married and I later found out that my husband cheated on me before we were married. He now says it was because of his depression. I don’t think depression alone would cause him to cover up his actions and lie in a highly unethical way in the first place.
Given all the stories of human frailty you read, does this start passing the sniff test?
Anonymous: 1. People who suffer from depression find themselves doing things they never thought they would do, justifying things they could never otherwise justify, and deeply regretting both. You may. Think of them as missiles for painkillers. (Those who can motivate themselves to seek relief, that is.)
2. You don’t have to stay married to someone under unacceptable circumstances.
3. Both 1 and 2 can be true. So, even if he was depressed (I don’t know, but maybe you are?), even if he was self-soothing, that doesn’t oblige you to continue the marriage.
Sorry, you live in this vulnerable scenario. If all you need to do is clear your mind and clear your thoughts in just a few sessions, personalized therapy may be just right for you.