The only thing she’s looking forward to now is grandchildren, but none of us are going to do that any time soon. work hard and spend time with me.
When my sister moved you would have thought it was the end of the world. Even if I just spend the weekend at her friend’s house, she fights with me while I pack my things.
I sob when I say that I want to get my own place as soon as possible. TRUE. I feel so guilty, but I’ve spent years trying to get him interested in something, whether it’s a hobby, a book, or a volunteer activity… It cost nothing. What now?
Anonymous: Please understand that this issue is completely for her to solve.
There’s a better way to say this, but it’s an easier version to keep in the back of your head whenever you need it. This is a problem that she should solve.
When you step into this truth, your actions can remain caring, loving, and involved. Never force yourself or get carried away. She can get into the habit of not responding to her grief anymore or bounce back at her. what do you think ‘ Her next reference to her expected grandson is the opening to say once and for all. It’s not even fair to us children. We can choose our lives now, just as you chose yours. “
And, “If it’s not good to make a choice you don’t like, it’s not a choice.”
These points are consistent with “this is not your problem to solve”. She may think otherwise, but it doesn’t mean anything without your consent.
The important thing is to flag this “I am not your life” and live there without further explanation or defense. “Hmm. Yeah. Have you thought about what to do?” Repeating this is a shield for you and a call to action for her. Her continued involvement with you is a form of manipulation, and your reaction rewards her emotionally (and pyrrically) for not moving forward.
Penultimate thing: there is no “giving in” to “having your own life.” Your life is yours, not what she gives you, no matter how sad you are. To know it is to live it.
Finally: why doesn’t she work with little kids? And while your mom’s significant howl boundary issues don’t make her an ideal fit, her job includes boundaries. will not be.)
