‘I don’t blame the girls. Not at all. I get it. All those jokes made everyone look at me as the fat guy.’

My therapist informs me: Youre an excellent guy, youre good, who cares? And shes right, I get it. But I likewise believe if I wasnt fat, I d most likely have a sweetheart.

I get it, I get it. Ive always wanted a better half. And as I get older it begins to get more genuine– Ive never ever had a girlfriend.

Human Beings of New YorkBut Im trying to love myself more. Every day Im dealing with it. I make shipments for my task, and lets say I leave my scanner in the cars and truck. My mind is immediately gon na say: Youre a fat asshole.

Im just a fat, funny idiot. Thats what I think about myself. And I feel like thats what everyone else is thinking too.

Humans of New YorkBut I believe it might have fucked me up. All those jokes, all those years. Due to the fact that it made everyone take a look at me as the fat guy. It made me look at myself as the fat person.

Humans of New YorkAll my jokes ended up being about myself. When it was time to eat the cake at a birthday celebration, I d joke about the size of my piece.

People of New YorkEvery time Im in a waiting space, and the seats a little too little. When I stroll into CVS, or. My stress and anxiety gets so bad I can barely speak with the individual behind the register.

Ive constantly been the amusing fat pal. Ive always lived for that feeling: in elementary school, in middle school. As I got older– something got twisted.

And it constantly got a laugh. Which felt great, however it kind of sucks. Due to the fact that I do not think Ive ever taken off my shirt without making a remark. Its my method of safeguarding myself. Like: No asshole, you cant tease me. Due to the fact that I beat you to it.

Im trying to state: No, youre not. Im attempting to get back to Luke again. Not Luke the fat person.

More from Luke:

And it constantly got a laugh. Im attempting to get back to Luke once again.

I get it, I get it. And as I get older it starts to get more genuine– Ive never had a sweetheart.

As I got older– something got twisted.

About the author: This story initially appeared on Humans of New York Facebook page and is released here with authorization. For more incredible stories and photography buy the book HUMANS by Brandon Stanton.

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